Prozac diaries

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So… my doctor thought it would be a good idea to start me off on Prozac to see if that helps. That’s not going to be the end of the story; I’m on the waiting list for CBT as well as counselling, but at the moment it’s not clear how far off those might be. So for now it’s really just a case of “suck it and see”. I have an appointment set up for a fortnight’s time to report back about how I’m getting on — although it’s not expected that there will be any really positive signs of improvement for a few weeks.

I’m bound to forget how I feel, so I thought I’d try to keep track of things, journal-style. It might well be something I end up losing interest in doing, but it’s starting off with good intentions at least. I’ve gone from saying nothing about the way I have felt for the last 20 years to talking to an endless stream of utterly fucking lovely friends on Facebook, many of whom have been through similar experience. Having already shared stuff in a semi-public arena, I thought i may as well carry on the trend and do the same with the journal — it’s a break from the techy stuff if nothing else!

So… prozac diaries.

Thursday 23 April

Took tablet at about 11pm before going to bed at about 1am


Friday 24 April

Woke up at about 4am and couldn’t get back to sleep. Incredibly hot and sweaty. Eventually managed to drop off again at about 6am, but had to get up at 7:30, so felt knackered.

Bit of an upset stomach, but not sure whatthe cause is — could be food, pill, stress. Had coffee to wake up in between.

Felt exhausted all day, but not really surprising. Didn’t really feel any different to normal, although I suppose it would be described as a good day on the whole.

Had a feeling throughout the day that I had a pill stuck in my oesophagus.

Very conscious that I’m concentrating on what I’m thinking about — or thinking about thinking about stuff. Perhaps this is just a result of talking to so many friends online about my feelings and therefore becoming more aware. I do tend to spend a good deal of time considering my own thoughts as they run through my head, and try to analyse the way I am feeling.

Food: homity pie (potato, cheese, leek), salad, cabbage soup, chocolate, cookies

Took tablet at about 8pm


Saturday 25 April

Woke up at 4ish again and stayed awake for almost 2 hours. I remember waking up feeling alarmed about something, but I’ve no idea what. I don’t remember a bad dream or anything like that. Dropped off again and forced myself to get up at just after 9. Soup and cereal for breakfast. Just feel tired.

Very conscious that I’m looking out for whether I feel different or not — I’m not just getting on with things; it’s like picking at a scab.

Feeling very spaced out today, but I’m pretty sure that’s just down to being so fucking tired. If I wake up tonight, I shall try to avoid immediately reach for my phone — maybe that will help me get back to sleep more easily. But it’s so easy to get caught up in reading overnight news, catching up with emails and Facebook, and just getting on with other online stuff. Be strong you weak fool!

1 comment

  1. Eldora

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